Bill Scream, Rusty Bolt, Dr. Demento, and me

Following is an email I sent to radio personality Dr. Demento on July 19, 2021. Unfortunately, I have yet to hear anything back, except...radio silence. 

Greetings, Doctor,

On April 17, 2021, I posted a silly thing on Facebook about a rusty bolt I had found in my yard. The post went something like this:

Yesterday I found this old, rusty bolt lying on the ground on our property, in a spot that Jules [my wife] and I have passed by several times a day for the 10+ years we've lived here. Where did it come from? It looks like it's been underground for decades, but if so, how did it work its way to the surface just yesterday?

Apparently Neil Young was right: Rust never sleeps.

One of the comments on my post came from an old friend and colleague (we worked on Claymation films together back in the ‘70s and ‘80s) named Bill Scream. It went something like this:

I think it’s a sign. I found one recently, myself. It must be for very special people. The Ponderers of the Rusty Bolts.

…to which my wife replied:

Hey, great name for a band. Or just "The Rusty Bolt Band"

A week later, I received an email from Bill Scream. Attached was an MP3 file of a song he had composed, performed, and produced in honor of my rusty bolt, called…wait for it...“Rusty Bolt.” 

It was brilliant. And hilarious. And very catchy. So catchy that Bill told me his 6-year-old grandkid had memorized it within a few hours and was singing it ad nauseam all over the house.

A few days ago, I remembered the guy who had launched Weird Al’s career—you—and thought, “Hmmm…”

I asked Bill, via email, for permission to send the song to you, and he replied, "Oh sure...50 years...more than 50 years...I have cranked out songs, jingles, soundtracks and it comes down to some stupid bolt a guy trips over one day. I had nothing to do and no one to complain to, so I knock out a song and that’s what people will know me by for the rest of my days!” In a subsequent email, following much cajoling on my part, he wrote, "I can see I’ll never hear the end of this if I don’t agree to your wild scheme. So...I’m in!"

So. Here’s the song, along with the lyrics and a jpeg of the rusty bolt itself. And of course, I’m cc-ing Bill Scream himself, just to keep this wild scheme on the up and up.

Enjoy! And thanks for listening.

Rick Cooper

RUSTY BOLT

By Bill Scream (© 2021 Scream Music)

Well I ran across this rusty bolt while walkin’ in the rain

Now where it’s from or what it’s for, I really can’t explain.

It coulda been a linchpin on a mule train headed west

Or somethin’ off a logger’s tool that made its final rest.

Then buried and forgotten under time and years of dust

Then dug up by some gopher, kickin’ out that bolt of rust.

Rusty bolt

Rusty bolt

Ponderin’ that rusty bolt

There’s no tellin’ how the story goes, there’s no one left to tell it

So I’ll stick it on some driftwood, call the E Bay, try to sell it.

I’ll say it washed up years ago from the shipwreck Iredale

Then found its way, I don’t know how, clear up this lonely trail.

Ya gotta think whose hands have touched this rusty piece of gear.

I’m still just ponderin’ that rusty bolt, I wonder why it’s here?

Rusty bolt

Rusty bolt

Ponderin' that rusty bolt

The eponymous rusty bolt (photo by yours truly)

Addenda

Before sending the email to Dr. Demento, I had asked for Bill's permission and, in case Demento went for it, whether Bill had copyrighted his song. Here is his reply in its entirety:

Oh sure...as my old friend Paul would start his lament. 50 years...more than 50 years...I have cranked out songs, jingles, soundtracks and it comes down to some stupid bolt a guy trips over one day. I had nothing to do and no one to complain to, so I knock out a song and that’s what people will know me by for the rest of my days!

Is it copyrighted...are you kidding me?!? That would take effort! I was once told if you mailed it to someone and show the postage date, that established time of conception.

And Dr. Demento, how old IS that guy now? I listened to him in college, so maybe it’s “son of”.

Anyhoo, I’m absolutely honored. Do we need a video?

I’m in and out all day today but would love to pursue your rusty idea!  :)

After I sent the actual email to Dr. Demento and cc'd Bill, Bill replied: "Head in hand, laughing and crying at the same time." 

A few weeks later, having heard nothing back from Dr. Demento, I re-sent my original email to him, prefaced thusly:

Hello! I’m resending this in hopes that you’ll at least consider the OREGON angle here…Bill Scream grew up in McMinnville and lives in Portland; and I grew up in Portland (my alma mater is Reed’s “rival," Lewis & Clark College) and live in Kings Valley, Oregon (where I found the rusty bolt). Surely, the home state connection has to be worth something, no? : )

Rick Cooper

As of December 11, 2023, still no response. : (